Asalaam Alaykum Ehsan,
Imagine, if you will, two people trying to communicate with languages the other doesn’t understand (for example one speaking in Swahili while the other in Cantonese). That type of frustration happens everyday in marriages across the world.
Men and women speak different “languages” when expressing their love, and unfortunately this means messages are often left unreceived or unregistered.
There are 5 general languages of love you can start using and start recognizing with your spouse.
1. Verbal Language - the most obvious and direct way is to say “I love you” and to do so plentifully and with variety. Never underestimate the power of compliments, appreciation, and praise.
2. Quality Time - dedicating your prime time to connect with your spouse speaks volumes for especially the wife. When undivided attention is given exclusively to your spouse, it is a demonstration of love.
3. Thoughtful Gifting - frequent gifting demonstrates that your spouse has been on your mind, that you took the time out for their happiness and that you appreciate them.
4. Helping the Other - as much as possible help lift your spouse’s burden with some of their daily chores. Little acts of help really go a long way in showing your spouse that you don’t take them for granted.
5. Physical Touch - touching in general is a sign of warmth, compassion and connection. Women especially appreciate more non-sexual touching to feel loved and secure. When you enter the house, when you’re eating together or doing regular chores, hug, kiss, or stroke one another.
Start using different languages of love with your spouse, and also be attuned to when your spouse is saying “I love you” in their own special way.
Your brother
Yasir Qadhi
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